BUSH USING VOODOO TO K.O. KERRY
That old black magic has George in its spell!
Desperate to win a second term in the White House, President Bush has reportedly turned to an unconventional weapon in his political arsenal: Voodoo!
A source on Bush's reelection team says the president has already used the ancient magic to boost both the economy and his performance in election polls. His next plan is to cast a devastating curse on his Democratic challenger, U.S. Sen. John Kerry, to smash Kerry's chances of booting Bush from the White House.
"They're already working on the Kerry doll that will activate the curse," says the source. "Kerry might not want to do any more bike-riding this summer."
But even more eye-opening is the way Bush got the magic that has pumped up his performance and may help him lay waste to Kerry: He forced powerful voodoo spells from ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide.
A former White House aide says Bush acquired Aristide's powers when he had the embattled leader removed from Haiti and flown to Africa. "Aristide once told him, 'If you can't smear 'em, curse 'em,' " the source says. "Now they've decided to take the advice -- and they made Aristide give them the goods.
"Look at how the situation in Haiti has deteriorated since Aristide was yanked out in February -- and how Bush's fortunes gave risen. That's no coincidence."
He points to the sudden pickup in the economy in March and April, and to polls that showed Bush topping Kerry by several points despite disastrous news from Iraq.
"And it all started after Aristide," says the former aide.
Emboldened by the success of those spells, Bush is now constructing a curse aimed squarely at Kerry.
A senior Bush strategist says Bush at first hesitated on the hex. "He met with one of Haiti's most respected witch doctors, who advised him that black-magic voodoo -- the kind used to hurt rather than to help -- is extremely difficult to control. The spells he used to improve the economy and his poll numbers were positive spells, but using a spell to hurt another human being, either physically or spiritually, can seriously backfire."
But the president finally decided to take the risk, on the recommendation of one of his closest advisers. "Mr. Bush told us at our May strategy session: 'We've never been shy about getting nasty in a campaign, and I'm tired of swatting at Kerry. I want to win so big, it's gonna make Ronald Reagan look like he barely made it into office back in 1980.'
"He told us, 'I want some powerful mojo, and I want it now.' "
Sources say Bush operatives are being planted in the Kerry campaign to obtain key elements of the Kerry voodoo doll: Scraps of the candidate's hair, skin, clothing and handwriting. The doll will be used to bring on a combination of physical pains and political setbacks.
"Maybe Kerry's shoulder will start giving him trouble again," says a source, referring to the injury for which Kerry had surgery in March.
"Maybe the campaign bus will run out of gas on the way to an important speech. Or maybe he'll just make some boneheaded statement that turns everybody off.
"But I'm not sure we need to put any hexes on Kerry to get him to say something that makes him look bad," the source says. "His speeches were cursed for months before we thought of it."