Bedroom Secret Revealed: DONALD RUMSFELD SLEEPS WITH GI JOE DOLL

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld can't fall asleep unless he's clutching his G.I. Joe doll, reveals a White House insider. "Mr. Rumsfeld has to have 'Pvt. Joey' snuggled safe in his arms at bedtime or he's up all night going crazy looking for him," says the source. "The action figure is more than 40 years old. It's raggedy and missing a leg. Mr. Rumsfeld accidentally ripped it off when he was playing 'Watch Out For Landmines' during a Senate hearing. But it's his most beloved possession." The insider, an ex-intern who worked with the defense secretary and often visited his home, was tying up a project late one night when he overheard a vicious argument between his boss and wife Joyce Rumsfeld. "Mr. Rumsfeld yelled: 'I told you to hide Pvt. Joey from those rugrats! Now he's gone. Oh my God. Oh my God!'" says the source. "Mrs. Rumsfeld was furious. She screamed back: 'If my grandchildren want to play with that stupid doll, they will! You are too old to still need him! And I'm sick of rolling over onto Joe's bayonet in the middle of the night! Get rid of him!' "Mr. Rumsfeld screeched: 'Never! You'll have to pry Joey from my cold dead kung fu grip.' "It just went on like that for quite a while." Shamelessly eavesdropping on the marital fracas, the insider learned Rumsfeld is obsessively attached to the 10-inch-tall "Real American Hero" because he saved his life. In 1962, the Chicago native was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives from Illinois. The charity-minded politician was so eager to help war-torn, povertystricken third world nations he often requested to travel on missions of mercy. "During one grueling, taxpayer-funded stay in a five-star luxury hotel in Paris, the congressman was distributing G.I. Joe dolls, which had just been launched in the states, to needy gay Frenchmen," says the source. "He had one of the Joe's in his lap during a luncheon when a passing waiter tripped and two escargot knives plummeted down, point first, toward Mr. Rumsfeld's testicles. "The doll took the hit. If he hadn't, the injury would have changed Mr. Rumsfeld's voice to that of a girlie soprano and ended his political career. Or he could have bled to death if the blades sliced a major artery. "After that, Pvt. Joey became his good-luck talisman -- his security blanket. "He's terrified that the minute he throws Joe away, he'll get hit by a bus." The defense secretary has also grown to know and love his small friend. They talk a lot -- although they don't always agree -- and Rumsfeld asks for Joe's advice on weighty political decisions. Adds the source: "Mr. Rumsfeld firmly believes Private Joey will be the one to finally find Osama Bin Laden."