NO-BOOK BUSH!

'It would be hypocritical' says non-reading Dubya

By SCOTT STEVENS

THE PRESIDENTIAL library that President Bush plans to build upon leaving office won't contain any books -- because it's an open secret that the President doesn't read, and he doesn't want to be portrayed as a hypocrite! That's the startling claim from an anonymous White House insider. "President Bush is proud of the fact that he doesn't read and makes decisions 'from his gut,' " the insider says. "He doesn't keep books in the White House, so he thinks it would be hypocritical to fill up his library with them." The library won't have many presidential papers either, says the aide, a far cry from former presidents such as Nixon, Carter and Clinton. For example, Bill Clinton's presidential library is expected to be the largest of its kind, with over 20,000 documents on 400 subjects. "Those presidents were kind of anal -- they saved everything," says the White House official. "But it's well-known that President Bush's desk is always 'clean' -- there's nothing on it. So he doesn't have a lot of papers to donate," says the insider. Democrats have cattily suggested that the Bush presidential library could contain at least two books -- The Bible, which is one book that Bush does claim to have read parts of, and My Pet Goat, the book that Bush continued to read to schoolchildren on 9/11 for seven minutes after receiving the news that terrorists had attacked the World Trade Center. "That was the most reading the President had done in a year," jokes a top Democrat. Another Democratic wag, referring to Bush's autobiography, A Charge To Keep, says: "I suppose Bush could add that one, too, but I seriously doubt that he's actually read it." A Bush insider suggests the president is thinking about putting items in the library sure to rile his opponents, like the infamous Florida "butterfly ballot" from the 2000 election that many analysts say deprived Al Gore of victory, as well as a "hanging chad." The President is also considering a "Wall of Bushisms' -- those malapropisms he's prone to make, such as "They misunderestimated me" and "I want to make the pie higher for all Americans." "The President loves that these verbal gaffes drive his opponents crazy," says the insider.