The PermaParent Trap

By Pamela Paul
By housing their twenty-something children and financing their lives, today's parents may be compromising their own.
Does this hit close to home? Read the whole article linked above, if it does. Here are a few of what I consider the highlights that I would like to comment on...
Whatever the reason, young adults are returning home in increasing numbers--following graduation, the dissolution of a relationship or the loss of a job. They often live rent-free and subsidized, with no scheduled date for departure. But while much attention has been paid to live-at-home "adultescents," little has been said about their parents, many of whom are Baby Boomers who greet their boomerang kids with open arms. For a variety of emotional and demographic reasons--their desire to be close with their kids, a yearning for youth--many of today's parents (the original Peter Pan generation) just don't want their adult children to grow up.

shee_rah77 comment:
Adultescents- I like this term.

Some argue that permaparenting stems from the indulgence of an immature and spoiled generation. Others blame the phenomenon on the heavy hand of social and economic forces, especially the current recession. And our very definition of adulthood is in flux--with a homestead no longer a key component of adult identity.

shee_rah77 comment:
I would say all the reasons are true except the "current recession" The world has always been in constant economic cycle, highs, lows(depressions), recessions but have we seen this phenomenon till now?

Shifting parental attitudes toward boomerang kids have much to do with generational differences, the result of each generation correcting and overcorrecting the excesses of the previous one. The wave that preceded the Boomers, the Swing, or Silent, generation (born during the Depression and World War II, 1930-1945) and their children, Generation X (born 1965-1978), were brought up during eras of economic recession, reduced birthrates and familial instability, when raising kids was not a societal focal point. Parents of Boomers "were eager for their kids to grow up and leave the household so that they could be free to pursue their own lives," says generational historian William Strauss. "Boomeranging home was a mark of failure for both children and parents."
In contrast, the Baby Boomers themselves (born between 1946 and 1964) and their Echo Boomer offspring (1979 and 1994) have had the happy fortune to be born during periods of prosperity and family growth that place an emphasis on parenthood. From the 1980s hit The Cosby Show to kidcentric TV like Nickelodeon, Boomers were awash in media celebrating the rewards of child-rearing and the joys of childhood. Five times more parenting books are published today than in 1970.

shee_rah77 comment:
Does it all really have to do with generational differences? I am not so sure that I agree with the period of prosperity/family growth that they like to call the "1980s"

Previous generations emphasized education and financial independence over all else for their children. In contrast, "Boomers are the first generation for whom their children's emotional fulfillment is a primary goal. Their parental mantra has been, 'Be happy or I'll kill you.'" In an effort to gratify their kids, Boomers have become unusually invested in their lives--determined to have an authentic, intimate relationship with their children.

shee_rah77 comment:
I like the "Be happy or I'll kill you" but I would say Adultescents can only make themselves 'happy'

Whereas pre-Boomer parents--the GI and Depression/ War generations--reminded their children constantly of their sacrifices and taught them to be grateful for opportunities (what some might call "guilt-tripping"), Baby Boomers didn't want to do that to their kids. According to Adams, having grown up in an era of relative stability, Boomers inadvertently raised the next generation to feel entitled.

shee_rah77 comment:
My grandma liked to remind us constantly how she only had one pair of shoes, one skirt for school and had to walk up a hill to get to school. I also remember her telling us she only had one coloring book and once she colored it she just would sit and look through it. Growing up when and how I did to think that was all she had was pretty much unbelievable but I always knew it was true, so she made me appreciate what I had with her "guilt-tripping"

Jeffrey Arnett, author of the upcoming book Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens Through the Twenties, believes boomeranging home may not be such a bad idea for twentysomethings but concedes it may not be best for parents. "Parents like being in a position to help their kids, and they like the fact that they get along well enough to live together," he says. "But parents are usually ready by then to move on with their own lives."

shee_rah77 comment:
I am sure it is not a bad idea for the Adultescents where else can they live for free, eat for free, not pay bills, and not have to really answer to anyone.

Found this article on
Generation Watch News and Views of America's Living Generations