FLY THE UN-FRIENDLY SKIES
Coffee, tea or jihad, sir?
By BERNIE PYLE

 TERRORISTS have formed their own airline -- because they're afraid of getting on a plane that could be hijacked by other terrorists! That's the incredible claim made by Amir Humad, a Saudi terrorist who was recently captured and is being held in a top-secret location. "No one's going to hijack a plane when everyone else on the plane is a crazed terrorist," Humad says. "Sure, terrorists are crazy, but we're not crazy enough to get on a plane that might be hijacked." Ironically, El-Al Queda, as the new airline is called, is the result of increased security on other airlines. "It's hard to be a good terrorist when you can't even take a pair of box cutters on a plane," Humad says. In fact, El-Al Queda has a very different approach to security. "If you're NOT carrying a bomb or a weapon, it's hard to get on," an El-Al Queda baggage handler says. "We're in the business of spreading WMDs. We can't give seats to every little terroristwannabe." And in the event a bomb does go off, blowing up the plane, the terrorists say there's no way to know which bomb caused it -- so each of the terrorists would get the 72 virgins they're promised when they go to heaven as a martyr. "It's a win-win situation," says Humad. Published on: 07/30/2004